uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
