Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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