remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
