If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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