My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
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you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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