so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.