If that was your dad, he is hot
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.