Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?