How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...