you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.