I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house