saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are