how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
