this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
