lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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