the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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