we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
