My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
