wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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