$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
