Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There's always time for handjobs
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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