I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
