drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
