Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
