I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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