you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
