He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
