Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I could fuck to npr.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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