Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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