I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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