he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
