Yo dont text me then not text me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
