I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
