we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the day after is always just damage control
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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