Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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