maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
