i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.