I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
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I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.