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At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think my fart just growled at me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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