You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick