3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends