Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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