I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
