Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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