Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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