U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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