As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
