hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
40s are totally the cure
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
