i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
