I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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