How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
