Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
