are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Come on in and take your pants off
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
