TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
