we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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