My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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