so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
