dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
