lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
