Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
