I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
