I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
