RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize