giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
