You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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