I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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