I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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