8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
