It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm always down for nudity.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
