You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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