I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
