yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
