went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
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