...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
