Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
