The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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